Checking Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
Emotions—they’re like uninvited houseguests. Sometimes they settle in quietly, but other times, they storm through the door, flip over the coffee table, and leave you scrambling to pick up the pieces. Ever wonder why that happens? What fuels those emotional whirlwinds, and, more importantly, how can you stop them from taking over your mental living room?
Here’s the thing: emotions are automatic, but reactions are not. Emotions are sparked by triggers—anything from a critical email to a bad driver cutting you off—and they snowball because we let them. The secret isn’t suppressing them; it’s managing the reaction. Start with these tools:
Pause and name it: Feel the heat rising? Pause. Take a deep breath. Then name what you’re feeling. “I’m frustrated.” Naming emotions reduces their grip—it’s psychology, not magic.
Shift your perspective: Ask yourself, “Will this matter in a week? A year?” Often, the answer is no. Perspective shrinks emotional earthquakes into mere tremors.
Move your body: A brisk walk, a few push-ups, or even shaking out your arms can release pent-up energy. Emotions are physical, so give your body an outlet to reset.
Channel it productively: Frustration, for example, can become a catalyst for problem-solving. Got a bad review at work? Instead of stewing, write a plan to improve. Emotions can power action when directed wisely.
But what about when someone else is the emotional tornado in the room? That’s trickier, because you’re not just managing your emotions; you’re navigating theirs, too.
Start by resisting the urge to fight fire with fire. Instead:
Acknowledge their feelings: This doesn’t mean you agree with them, but a simple, “I can see you’re really upset,” can diffuse tension like opening a pressure valve. People want to be heard, not dismissed.
Stay grounded: Picture yourself as an anchor in rough seas. Slow your breathing, speak calmly, and maintain steady eye contact. Calm isn’t just contagious; it’s disarming.
Set boundaries, kindly: If their storm becomes overwhelming, it’s okay to say, “I want to keep talking about this, but I need a moment to gather my thoughts.” Stepping away isn’t defeat—it’s strategy.
Ask solution-focused questions: Instead of escalating, redirect the energy. “What do you think would help here?” or “How can we work through this?” shifts the conversation from blame to problem-solving.
Still, not every storm can be weathered. Sometimes, the best response is no response at all. Walking away isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom. When emotions flare—yours or theirs—remember: you’re not responsible for controlling anyone else’s feelings, but you are responsible for what you bring to the table.
Emotional mastery isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. Every pause, every calm response, every intentional choice is a step closer to becoming the person who handles life, not the one who’s handled by it.
Mitch Jackson | links