The Art of Reading People: Building True Connection
Here’s the truth: communication is more than words. It’s tone, body language, eye contact—everything unsaid. Learning to read people isn’t about manipulation; it’s about understanding and connecting in a way that makes others feel seen and heard. Bob Burg’s Adversaries into Allies is a great resource for mastering this skill with integrity.
Observe First, Don’t Assume
Reading people starts with noticing, not guessing. Are their arms crossed? That could signal defensiveness—or maybe they’re just cold. Posture, gestures, even breathing patterns provide clues. A relaxed stance? Likely confidence. Fidgeting or averted eyes? Perhaps discomfort or distraction.
But context matters. A slouched posture might not mean disinterest; it could just be a long day. Focus on gathering clues without rushing to conclusions. Think of yourself as piecing together a puzzle—each observation adds depth.
Listen to What’s Unspoken
Words carry weight, but tone and pacing tell the real story. Is their voice steady and warm or clipped and hesitant? Pay attention to incongruence—when their words don’t match delivery. A soft “I’m fine” paired with dropped eyes or a heavy sigh speaks volumes. Silence, too, is revealing. Instead of rushing to fill it, let it breathe; people often open up if you give them space.
Use What You Learn to Connect
This isn’t about gaining an edge. It’s about creating genuine rapport. When someone’s tense, acknowledge it: “You seem busy—should we reschedule?” Small moments like this show empathy and understanding. Influence rooted in respect builds trust, not resentment.
Mirroring is another tool. Subtly matching someone’s tone or body language creates harmony without feeling forced. It’s not mimicry—it’s alignment that makes people feel understood.
If you're interested, I shared a few related thoughts in this issue of my LinkedIn newsletter, The Art of Reading Personalities: Using AI to Craft Tailored Offers That Hit the Mark. I think this approach is good and compliments this chapter.
The Big Picture
Reading people helps you understand their world, not just their words. You connect deeply, turning interactions into meaningful exchanges. As Burg wisely notes, “Influence is about earning trust.” And trust? That’s where every great connection begins.
Mitch Jackson | links