Chapter 14: Reflecting, Learning, and Improving

The art of mediation isn’t just about resolving disputes—it’s about growing as a professional, and more importantly, as a human being. Every mediation you step into offers an opportunity to evolve, no matter the outcome. Some mediations will leave you feeling triumphant, others reflective, and a few, downright humbled. But here’s the key: each one carries a lesson. The challenge isn’t in the learning itself but in whether you take the time to reflect, absorb, and apply what you’ve gained.

Here’s a truth I’ve come to believe: Mediators who don’t make space for reflection limit their potential. You might walk into each session with the best intentions and sharpest tools, but if you’re not committed to understanding what went right—or wrong—you’re destined to plateau. Reflection isn’t a luxury; it’s the foundation of growth.

Think back to your last mediation. What stood out? Maybe you handled a volatile moment with grace, defusing tension with a single well-timed question. Or maybe, just maybe, you missed a critical cue—a subtle shift in tone or a phrase that hinted at a deeper conflict. That’s where the magic of reflection lies: in dissecting the experience and uncovering the patterns you might have missed in the moment.

I encourage you to ask yourself: What went well? What could have gone better? What caught you off guard? What did the experience teach you about the parties, the process, and yourself? These aren’t just questions; they’re windows into your development as a mediator. Write them down. Let those thoughts become a tangible record of your journey. You’ll be amazed at the clarity that emerges when you translate your reflections into words.

But let’s be real—reflection alone won’t cut it. It’s not enough to identify what worked and what didn’t. You’ve got to transform those insights into action. That’s where learning takes the stage. And here’s the beauty of it: learning doesn’t just happen through success. Some of the most profound lessons come from mistakes.

You know those mediations where you left thinking, “I could have handled that so much better”? Treasure them. Yes, treasure them. Because those missteps? They’re gifts in disguise. They teach you what to avoid, what to refine, and, most importantly, what not to repeat. Failure isn’t the enemy of growth—complacency is.

Learning doesn’t stop with your own experiences, though. One of the most powerful tools for growth is feedback. And yet, how often do we shy away from it? Asking for feedback can feel like inviting criticism, but here’s the thing: it’s not about judgment—it’s about perspective. Whether it’s a party, a colleague, or a mentor, their observations can shine a light on blind spots you didn’t even know existed.

Once, after a particularly challenging mediation, I asked the parties involved for their candid feedback. One comment stuck with me: “It felt like you were more focused on the process than on us.” Ouch. But that single insight shifted how I approached mediations from that point forward. It reminded me that while process matters, people matter more. Feedback like that? It’s priceless.

Another often-overlooked source of growth is watching others in action. If you’ve never observed another mediator at work, start. Seeing someone else navigate the complexities of mediation can be eye-opening. You’ll pick up strategies, notice nuances, and even reaffirm some of your own methods. The wisdom of the mediation community is immense—tap into it.

And let’s talk about improvement, because reflection and learning mean nothing if they don’t lead to change. Improvement is where the rubber meets the road, where theory turns into practice. It’s setting goals, not just for the sake of setting them, but with the intent to evolve.

When I talk about goals, I’m not talking about vague aspirations like, “I want to be a better mediator.” No. I’m talking about actionable, measurable targets: “I want to improve how I manage high-emotion scenarios,” or, “I will work on asking more open-ended questions to deepen dialogue.” Goals like these give you a compass. They point you in the direction of growth.

And here’s a hard truth: improvement takes practice. Lots of it. Mediation isn’t a skill you master in theory—it’s one you hone through experience. Seek out opportunities to mediate, even outside your professional role. Volunteer in community settings, help friends navigate disputes, or step into less formal conflicts. The more diverse your experiences, the more adaptable you’ll become.

One of the most transformative moments in my career came when I decided to experiment. I’d been following a familiar script in my mediations, one that worked—most of the time. But I wanted to push the boundaries, to see what would happen if I tried something new. So, in one session, I introduced a storytelling exercise, inviting each party to narrate their version of events without interruption. The result? A breakthrough I hadn’t anticipated. Experimentation isn’t about throwing out the rulebook; it’s about expanding it.

Let’s not forget the bigger picture. The world of mediation is constantly evolving. New research, tools, and techniques emerge every year. Staying informed isn’t optional—it’s essential. Read the latest books, attend workshops, join professional organizations. Learn not just from mediators, but from psychologists, negotiators, and communication experts. The more you broaden your knowledge, the more equipped you’ll be to tackle the complexities of modern mediation.

Here’s the bottom line: Mediation isn’t just about resolving conflicts; it’s about transforming them. And to do that effectively, you’ve got to commit to transforming yourself. Reflection, learning, and improvement aren’t one-time activities—they’re a continuous cycle.

As you move forward, embrace the process with curiosity and humility. Celebrate your victories, learn from your mistakes, and never stop striving to be better. Because the better you become as a mediator, the more impact you’ll have—not just on conflicts, but on lives.

So, what’s your next step? What’s one lesson you’ve learned recently that you can carry into your next mediation? Let that be your starting point. Because this journey? It’s just beginning.

Mitch Jackson | links